My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
