I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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