I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
