Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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