Your face is a jimmy john
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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