too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
