Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
