Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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