I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
