I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
