Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
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