his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
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