Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Randomize
