I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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