Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
