Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
