The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
