if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
