Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
