a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
