Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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