so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
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