if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
