Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
