I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I am mentally ready for anal.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Randomize
