So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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