I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
