While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize