i permit you to call me
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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