I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize
