She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
She's the barista slut.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I just had sex on a roof
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Randomize
