Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
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