This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
no you cant smoke seaweed
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
