Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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