im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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