Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Send help, water and tortillas.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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