the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
