Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize