Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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