Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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