Me too!
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Drunk is a universal language darling
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
