the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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