Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
