Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
