She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Randomize
