Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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