Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize