You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize