I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
