at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
