great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
