i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
