I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Randomize
