Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
