The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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