But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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