U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
