he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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