i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
