i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
