The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize
