Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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