i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
