Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize