I'm eating all of the evidence.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Randomize
