I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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