Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
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