thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Randomize
