3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
