I'm really into asian looking animals
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
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