take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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