do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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