First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
