That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
