That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
